Back To Reality





Today was really an amazing day...oddly enough. Today was the first day back from a very long 3 day holiday weekend for most, which typically translates into most people having a horrible first day back at work and the reality of their day to day routines. Now I should be especially sensitive to this b/c I not only had a 3 day weekend but a 7 day vacation from work prior to that...which translates to a HECK of a long time away from normal life. However when I went back to work today and got back into my routine I actually found it amazingly refreshing and easy to deal with today. I almost dare to say that being back and at work was a pleasurable experience lol.

Well maybe pleasurable is a bit of a stretch but it was definitely painless. I hope this continues.

Closure







Closure is really a funny thing. People often seek it when in fact their searching for other things....Some seek a sense that their ex still thinks about them, or maybe that they still want the other as much as they still want them. Regardless of the reasons....people who seek it rarely (if ever) are honest with themselves about why their seeking this thing their calling closure.

Having learned this lesson in the past, when my very serious relationship ended abruptly some time ago. As devastated as I was after it occurred....I was very careful not to go seeking closure until (1) I was ready for he truth and more importantly (2) I knew in my head really what I wanted, and why I was seeking closure. Having done so I received my closure...and while still a serious blow to my ego, person in general and life. I realize now that I'm honestly better off and more importantly that I'll not only survive but will likely be better because of this life shake up.
While it's important to understand, remember and recognize the good people bring into our lives we must be equally realize and remember the bad they brought as well. This might be a little more pessimistic than most people know me to be......but bear with me because its true. I'm still very much so a person that tries to see the good in people despite the bad. But the older I get the more I realize that everyone does not deserve a place in your life (some in any capacity), especially those that bring too much bad, baggage or other "crap" along with them. It's honestly a sad thing to say....but true none the less.
So seek the closure you seem to want just be sure that you know what you seek and why. It's likely you already know everything you need to know.
An analogy I love to say is....some plants just need to die, especially if nobody is going to care for it consistently. Just let the plant die already.
Move on, live life. Chow


Famous Fault

If there's any fault that I could possibly say could b called my achilles heel it's by far my heart. While some might not call this a fault per se. It's definitely a trait that has caused me a fair bit of trouble throughout my (all be it) short lifetime.

If anyone really knows me they know it. If folks don't really know me then they think I'm one of the coldest and evil people alive. Funny how that works huh....well maybe not. I've always been one of those people that are hard to figure out....or so says many folks from my past.

To some degree I know I'm hard to figure out intentionally. I guess it's kind of a defense mechanism, just a lil something extra to protect my soft inner loving nature. Which maybe is why it's lasted so very long while most gay men have very little left in the feelings category.

I wrote his blog and then came back to it. The phrase "Are you your brothers keeper" kept coming to mind as I was hiking today. Not really sure why but it did. Anyway if there's a conclusion I could come up with it's this....Be your brothers keeper, just don't let your brother abuse you. If they abuse you to the point where your no good to anyone...then you can help a sole including yourself.

Have fun, enjoy life and more than anything LIVE! Realize your self worth, don't be vain but at the same time realize your worth. If others don't then that's their loss. Again I repeat and amended...Have fun, enjoy life and more than anything LIVE!

Return To.....

First off let me start off by saying I LOVE and I mean love my iPhone! I got it 2 weeks ago and I absolutely love this device. While no being all that deferent from my original iPhone 3GS it does have some very marketable improvements over the former model. However that isn't the point of his blog post so....moving on.
I'm going back to charting and depicting my thoughts via blog which is a long time coming....well not that long..... But either way I missed it immensely. Blogging is a wonderful release, well maybe writing in general is but anyways I'm choosing to blog....keeping it moving.
I must admit while I love to blog I'm doing it this time around as more of a release for thoughts that don't have another audience (which in hhis case maybe be nearly nobody, which is fine by me). However it's also meant to reconnect me with a time in my life which wasn't necessarily happier but seemed simpler. While that time probably wasn't any simpler there's something from that period of my life that I miss. And after giving it lost of thought it's a person....but I have a policy against naming names (nut said). Anyways while I thought I knew at the time what I had with this person I failed to realize how much I would come to miss it especially when faced with people that fail to compare.
This person was sweet, caring beyond measure and not only a good liver but a good person which is what I loved about him more than anything. While he likely won't ever read his...at least I can say I told the world how great he is, even if I failed to tell him at the time.
Anyways this is my return..not just to blogging but to a life that I believe was going a little off course......more thoughts to follow.

Trust

I admit I have trust issues....but its not really an issue I was born with, I'll explain. I am naturally a very trusting person. I try my hardest to see the good in people and walk into a situation thinking that people will at least try to be reasonable and trust worthy. Some would say thats a very rosy view of the world...yes...but its the view I choose to have.

So with that being said one might think "What issue does he have" the issue comes into play when my trust is violated. Having a rosy view of the world is easy when folks are honest....but when their not or they do something to hurt you then that rosy model just simply breaks down. Quick!

When people hurt me its be hardest thing every...mainly because I walked into the situation blindly trusting you. I think the blind trust is the flaw. As an adult I know that trust is hard to establish, slow to develop and slow to grow back once hurt. I like to use the analogy of a really bad cut. Once cut, it scabs over quickly but only fully heals for a long period of time. And often times there are scares.

However with all that being said...trust is a really beautiful thing. Once established...even to a limited degree, it helps people make it through the most difficult situations.

Lazy Lazy Lazy

The title just says it all....I've the victim of laziness a disease which has been wreaking havoc with my life since sometime around 2005.

Nawh but seriously over the years I've gotten very lazy in some respects, my blog is one instance but there are many others. The one I'm attempting to fix now is school and the gym, I'm hoping that by writing in my blog about it keeps me motivated to fix things.

I used to have such a vigorous gym routine like a year ago...and the body to match. However I fell off and I've let my once lovely body go to heck...in my opinion. I mean honestly I still look better than probably 90% of the population :-) but I need 95% darnit! No seriously, I look fine with my clothes on but I really want my "I can strip right now" and be proud body back and I want it before June dammit and if that means I have to be in the gym every single day...then I'm glad its right across the street from my house.

As for school I've been slacking in this respect too there's no reason in the world a paper I wrote in December is still sitting on my desk awaiting for me to submit to for publication....tisk tisk. Finding journals and doing the submissions probably takes all of a days worth of work..if that. There's no excuse for not having done it.

Granted I am still doing alot, I've made some SERIOUS advancements at work and I'm taking a much larger role at my company. I've also been teaching another class at school which I love and hate depending on the day...but thats no excuse. I should get it all done not just somethings...its time to get to work before I'm chubby, lazy and its warm out.

Chow

Randomness, Randomly


I honestly didn't know what to call this blog nor what the topic was going to be so I figured I would just talk about the random things on my mind at the moment...thus the title.

So first off TGIF!!! I know everyone is normally happy when friday arrives but for some reason I'm just in a great mood once I realized my week is finally over and I sat at work realizing...wow I did everything I had to. So I left early, got a hair cut and felt so good. I dunno how women feel when they get their hair done but my half hour in the chair getting my hair cut...is such a great calming experience for me. After the hair cut I went home and felt like getting dressed up but its a little to early for that so I packed a bag instead, walked the dogs...put on something descent and then headed on to J's. I got J and headed to DC to meet up with my other favorite person MyMy for good times at this bar. Actually in hindsight this is probably qualifies as the typical Friday happy hour...but I didn't think of it as such.

As we ride down I find myself considering what I'll do later. I called a few folks to find out what they were doing but I have a thing about jumping onto other peoples plans or tagging along somewhere. Sometimes you feel like doing it and sometimes you don't....ya know? So having said that I'm not exactly sure what's going to happen so I guess I'll just have to play it by ear.

Ya boy ~Chow

Nothing To Say

So I promised Deonte I would do a blog today but I told him that as of lately I honestly just haven't had much to say. His response to me was: "Well then just say that" so that's what I'm doing.

My name is Chow and I don't have anything to say....I'll try again tomorrow LOL.

Goodbye 2009

This was a wonderful year looking back. It definitely had its up and downs but it was full of fun times!

This year introduced me to all kinds of things, people, new toys and reminded me how much I absolutely love the close friends I consider family. As 2009 ends tonight and 2010 begins I walk into it with lessons learned this year and knowing that those who love me will continue too.

Happy New Years!

Some Days Suck...Others Are Awsome

I woke up yesterday morning tired as heck but I got myself up as I normally do with a big grin on my face. Some call me chipper, some call me a dork but regardless what you think, I'm blessed. So regardless of how little I want to get up in the morning I do so with a smile :-)

I took myself to work especially early this morning which incited all sorts of sly comments from my team and even the security guard, who checked her watch 3 times before she asked me what I was doing here so early. I'm not gonna pretend for a second like I wanted to come to work, but I took off Tuesday to hang out with my god-daughter (which was a blast) but I had work to do so I decided to get an early start.

I got to work this morning and immediately starting chipping away at my inbox full of emails. Emails always piss me off slightly b/c there are always 100 people on the distribution (including every one of my team members) but its like their waiting for me to reply lol. However for once I enjoyed one of my emails which presented me with my yearly performance increase, which I figured would be small with the economy the way it is and all. However I was shocked to find I got a nice little raise, yay! No lie I read that email at least 5 times and emailed my management back just to double check before I believed it. I swore it was a mistake!

Then on top of that, my advisor finally got around to reading my semester paper and thought it was awesome. So much so she thinks I should submit it to a few journals, how hot would it be to get another publication!

Something just seems extra right about the way this year is ending. While 2009 was full of some very difficult moments I must say as a whole I'm glad it went the way it did.

The Blog-Cession is Over

So its been quite some time since I've blogged (April 2009 to be exact) and I must say I miss it!

For a while my blog was actually private but this was merely for business reasons so hopefully nobody takes it personally. Well anyways the blog is back in action with a new fresh layout to match layout Courtesy ChowLife LLC :-)

So you might be wondering, why return to blogging now? While I haven't been writing in my own blogs I still have been keeping up reading my friends. I was catching up on my buddy Deonte's blog where I read an interview he did with another blogger (Link Here). Anyway Deonte is calling this period of time a "Blog-Cession" which is a hilarious play on words which makes light of the current economic recession. So I must admit its in response to this that I'm returning to my formally very active blogging days.

So what's up with me...honestly there's no shortage of things to talk about, I've been BUSY for the past 8 months. In school, I finally started honing in on my research topic, which I should have done a long time ago and I'm going to be teach a lab next semester. Yay. Teaching is something I've always wanted to seriously pursue so its about time I started doing so. I just love progress! Hopefully I'll be all done with school and my dissertation by 2011 (or at least that's the lie I'm telling myself lol).

I'm so glad to blogging again....more interesting topics later. The Blog-Cession is Over!

The Ducks

So I've been on the search as I've said before for a new home church
with my bff Jameelah for about a month or so now. And after hearing
todays sermon I feel as thow I've made a selection.

Todays sermon was on many things but the analogy that he mentioned I
fell in love with so I said I would speak on it today.

So the analogy is as follows...

You see a duck chilling away on the surface of a pond and you think
wow he's chilling. However what you fail to realize is that if you
could see beneath the surface of the water that the duck is paddiling
away to stay afloat and keep moving.

The moral of this story is don't assume because you see something you
want that it's easy to achieve or even desireable!

I loved the analogy! Too many times folks spend all their time wanting
for things they see that other people have. Not realizing what if
takes to attain such things or what burden having them may impose.
Were all guilty of this I'm sure, but it was still very enlightening.

Hard work and prayer is the only way I see to guide what should be in
your life.

Loved the sermon, love the pastor. I've found a new church home ;)

Chow

Questions?


I've seen some crazy situations in my day and all and I'd like to think that I am a pretty good judge of people. However I must say that as of late a certain person's reaction to a few situations as truly surprised me.

Someone I would have once called a true friend decided to de-friend me in every way possible without even a phone a call. I only discovered I was "de-friended" when I was clicking around on facebook. My question WTF, who does that. I naively thought that we were beyond the age of not being able to face the music and talk to people about things..especially your friends.

Geesss...

However, I know what many folks will say...and in this case I might have to agree. If the person could just that easily de-friend you then they weren't a true friend in the first place. I'm not totally sure if thats 100% true in this situation but I have ALWAYS been a firm and solid believer in "When folks show you their true self, take the hint!".

So with respect to this situation I'm taking this as insight into their character...and saying good riddens.

Finals!!!

So its that time of year again..yep its Finals!! However for once I find myself glad its hear, I've really been slaving away all semester long so I'm honestly glad that this mess is about to be over.

Not that I have anything particularly interesting planned for this summer but at least I won't have assignments, projects and tons of work hanging over my head. Technically finals week started last week so I'm a bit late writing this post but oh well :-)

Come Tuesday I'll present my last project of the semester and then somebody is buying me a drink!

Palm Sunday

So it's been a while since my last blog...actually it's been a whole
month yikes! I could say I've been busy but that would be deceiving LOL.

I have been busy but with facebook and all my new toys. I got an
iPhone a macook and a car. March has been full of cheap blessings ;)

So me and jam tried out our first church this weekend it wasn't bad I
was supriaed but there was alot of singing. It was a methodist church
thow so I'm not suprised. It's palm Sunday so the church handed out
palms and I made a cross out of a few.

My new toys are all about a month old so I'll blog a lil bit more I
promised myself. Pics of the car are on facebook or as we call it "the
book".

Growth

I'm not quite sure what has me in the mood to look back and be introspective but I'll go with it.

Its most likely the result of a semi-bad date, it really wasn't all that bad and we had really great conversations but I don't see a match made in heaven. Its rare I try and date an thinker but whenever I engage one its refreshing...the conversations are usually really interesting. I also had a great night out with my boyz which always leaves me in a good mood.

So this morning I find myself taking the time to look back at what choward (my nickname) used to be like, and boy I'm amazed.

I was talking to my boy carl who I probably haven't talked to since like 2003 and we were swapping stories and comparing what was to what is now. Life is just amazingly funny. People you couldn't stand when you met them end up being the folks you chill with all the time. Things you never thought you'd do are things you do all the time now.

I think its important to look back every now and then. The past reminds us of what we did wrong and things we did right so that hopefully we can keep doing them better. A very smart friend I have says this:

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

Words to live by I think.

Personal Growth...its the best. Hopefully 2009 continues to be full of it.

Who Watches The Watchmen

So the first goal that I made for 2009 was dedicating myself to reading a book. If your wondering what this new years resolution was all about feel free to read the original blog HERE.

However to provide a brief summary, lets just say good ole chris has never (yes never) read a whole book cover to cover.

Today is one of the last days in February and I am proud to say that I can check this goal off the list. I'm done my book!!

For those that don't remember and didn't read the last blog, I was reading Watchmen by Alan Moore and I have to say the book was amazing! For somebody that isn't an avid reader this book was a great choice for a first. The book honestly had me absolutely hooked until the very last page....and for somebody like me that bores quite easily that is surprising.

My goal was to finish the book before the movie comes out march 6th and I did just that (pats self on back).

So now I pose the question to you: "Who Watches the Watchmen?"
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